I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
can u get pink eye on your cock?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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