dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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