Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
