so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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