Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
