New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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