is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
