I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
