I will die if light touches me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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