I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
