you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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