Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
