She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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