beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
