well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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