Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
