All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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