OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
