I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
