I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
