i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize