So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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