Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
