AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
