went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
