is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
