why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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