the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
