when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
honey bunches of taint.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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