Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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