just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
