so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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