Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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