He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
