it was like his penis was on wheels.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
