p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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