haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
