Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
