My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
