I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
