this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
