Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
