just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
