I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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