Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
