Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
