Kiss
Puke
Having a random hookup so left but love u
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
