I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
