why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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