i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize