I'm drive I can fine osifer
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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