I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
