A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
