Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
