Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
