I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Shame is for Republicans.
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