...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
