This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
