idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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