i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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