we have pet lesbian snakes
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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