i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize