Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
