My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
