You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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