OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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