Your mouth is God's brothel.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
