Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
