Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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