Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
